GROWING.

Edit: My mom told me this post was a bit too negative so I changed some things lol. Same message, different adjectives. We love a transparent journalist.

This draft has been sitting for three months. It takes a lot of energy for me to write nowadays. It’s been a long few months.

I’ve graduated (full disclosure: with no job, a lot of people don’t like to talk about it but finding a job post-grad is HARD), moved to Brooklyn (typical) and kind of had a journey of self-discovery (also typical). Recently I’ve felt uninspired, lazy, and just.. bland. Not really a good combination, especially since this started when I was wrapping up my thesis, looking for a job, and trying to find an apartment. I’ve wondered why I’m not sitting on a beach getting 5 shades darker. I’ve spent and embarrassing amount of money on things related to Solange + the release of When I Get Home because it affected me that much. School was dragging me from my scalp. I’ve eaten out more than I should’ve.

I don’t want to end up that person with an okay job, an okay apartment, and barely paying all my bills. Settling isn’t an option; I have too many loans to pay back. I’m destined for greatness but it’s almost like I’m afraid of the process necessary to achieve said greatness. Nobody tells you that the process is terrifying or daunting.

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I’m always wondering why something happens. Why the luxury fashion industry becoming a joke (if you’d like to read my 40 page thesis on this, I’d be happy to forward it), why the job hunt so draining, why people hound you about having a job when they KNOW what it’s like to look for a job, why everyone talking about sustainability when they don’t even know what sustainable means. Honestly, I don’t know what it means anymore.

The fashion industry is a hard industry to navigate and sometimes I get pretty down about it.Everyone thinks they know everything there is to know about fashion but most don’t even read up on actual history, mostly because people don’t like to read anymore. A lot of people want the glitz and glam: the free products, the front row seat at fashion week, the ability to mix and mingle with celebrities. That’s not fashion–it’s just a facade. People have this Hollywood idea of what the industry is when it’s not even close to that.

People are afraid to criticize in fear of losing their livelihood. They’re afraid to speak up. People are afraid of the truth. Everyone wants to be seen & heard when they don’t have anything of value to contribute to the conversation.

I’m not trying to be some sort of pariah or saying I’m going to change the fashion industry because let’s be realistic–it’s changing because the consumer is changing. Companies put out products/articles in order to reflect what they believe the consumer wants and we eat it up.

I feel like there’s a lane, process, and specific destiny for everyone. It may come at a slower pace than others, and it may take a while to discover, but everyone has their own path. I’ve questioned my path, especially since graduating with no job.

I wrote this as I questioned the apartment I moved to, the time that I “wasted”, and the money that I blew. Of course, I regret some things but it’s all part of the process. I’m thankful for the journey and wherever it tries to take me because I know I’ll eventually get to the point I’m trying to get to.